i got the job! i'm so so so so so so so excited. i don't know if that even illustrates how excited i am for this summer! and even more, i just wish the entire month of may would fly by so i could just be in okoboji right now away from all the people and things i can't stand at this point. even some of my best friends seem to be cutting me down lately. and i don't know if it's my mood, all in my head, or if they're really annoyed of me; but especially one girl, who i thought was my best friend and never seemed to have a problem with me whatsoever, seems for the past like two weeks to have been ignoring me, and finding every excuse she can to avoid hanging out with me at all. i don't understand. i'm literally sitting here crying because i'm so confused. i feel like stephanie is my only friend who honestly cares about me anymore. i just want to get to camp already to make new friends and start over on a completely clean slate. even just get back to harlan to relax and be stress-free for a couple weeks. i don't understand what is so wrong with me that my best friends seem to be turning on me. i feel like i've repeatedly been ditched by one of my two very best friends this past month. i don't know how to handle it. i feel awful. i really just need to get away. i wish she would just tell me truth though.

my interview this afternoon went really well i think. the woman who interviewed bri and i was really nice. i think she liked bri more than she liked me because of what bri said after her interview, but it kind of sounded like both of us were going to get the job either way. and besides asking us questions, she answered a lot about what we would have to do, have to wear, when we would have time off, etc. and i really don't think she would have spent so much time explaining all of those kind of things if she didn't plan on us getting hired. however, we can't know for sure whether we got the job or not for a day or two when she said we'll get a phone call from the camp director with their final decision. but either way, i found out that we get 24 hours off a week on the weekends, between when that week's campers leave and the next week's campers arrive, one night out a week from 6:30-midnight, and plenty of time to ourselves as counselors, a lot more freedom than i thought we would have. not to mention, there's 60+ counselors on staff, so plenty more people our age will be there than i assumed. so i cannot wait to get that phone call! i'm getting more and more excited as time goes on, this school year just needs to end so i can enjoy the three weeks of freedom i'll have then hopefully a fun-filled rest of the summer working in the okobojis.

so as i've said before, i'm really nervous for this interview tonight because i really want this job. so i've been thinking about how i can better prepare myself to have the best interview possible. and i know i need to dress well, wear little to no make-up (since it's for a camp counseling position), and look the woman interviewing me in the eye while i'm speaking, but other than that i really want to think about what questions she might ask me and how i might answer them. so i googled some possible interview questions for jobs which involve work with children.

 What five adjectives describe you best?

passionate, hyperactive, hard-working, understanding, and sometimes impatient  Why should I consider you for this position? i'm great with kids, i love the outdoors and always try and make whatever i'm asked to do or happen to be doing as fun as possible for everyone involved.  Why are you the best candidate for this position? i'm dedicated to whatever i set my mind to and would make a great role model for kids of the campers age bracket.  Tell me about the one thing in your life you're proudest of. i'm most proud of the example i've set which has helped shape the personalities of my younger brother and sister. they're very outgoing, kind, and genuine kids, i love them, and i'm proud of everything they do.  You've changed jobs frequently. What makes you think that this position will be different? having a job where you live where you work makes coworkers more like family, i think that with a close relationship with my coworkers and employers i will feel much more valued and enjoy my job more.  What qualities do you think are necessary to make a success of this job? i think that a live-in camp counselor needs to be understanding, outgoing, upbeat, and patient.  Describe your ideal job.  my ideal job is one where i am not sitting or standing in one place all day, i get to be outdoors sometimes, get to work on projects which can be finished, use my creativity, and have a flexible schedule.  How did you find out about this job? i used to attend camp foster once a summer when i was younger.  What do you know about the job? i know that i will live on the campgrounds, be expected to be responsible for the well-being off my assigned campers, being open to doing whatever i am asked, and always being fun and outgoing!  What kinds of work interest you the most? anything where i am in constant contact with people! love anything outdoors, and would love to effect the world.

i don't know..but hopefully my answers aren't horrible, i'm not used to having to interview for jobs coming from such a small town. i guess the way it worked back home everyone pretty much knew everyone so they didn't really need to ask you anything they just kind of knew whether you were fit for the job or not. and i know that interviewing to be a camp counselor isn't exactly life or death but it would for sure make or break my summer i think, so i'm going to cross my fingers and hope for the best! wish me luck! time to shower and get ready!

interview!!

brianna and i have an interview to be camp counselors at a summer camp in okoboji tomorrow afternoon. i'm really nervous, cus i really want this job for many reasons. i need to lose weight, i need the money, i wouldn't be spending money, i would have NO responsibilities for the first month of summer, and therefore, can spend that entire three weeks having fun, getting drunk, and checking things off bri and my to-do list! getting this job would make thinking about summer and planning for summer so much easier! i'm crossing my fingers, wish me good luck! :)

i'm having an extremely stressful day. and all my stress seems to be revolving around school.

the jist of what's happening is that my parents didn't save any significant amount of money to go toward college for me, so i am here solely on loans which i must pay back completely on my own. that in itself is fine, however, after this semester i decided that i want to change my major from early childhood education to marketing management. now that i've officially made that decision, i realized that only ONE of my classes this semester, and two from last semester go toward my new major, so basically, i have to completely start over. the bigger problem, however, is that i'm failing two classes right now: photography and american history (gay, i know i should be passing, but i just don't go).

well since neither of those classes are helpful toward my major at all, it really isn't a problem that i'm going to fail them, except that because of that, i will be put on academic probation for next semester. and the only problem with getting put on academic probation for next semester is that a letter will be sent to my permanent address notifying me (my parents) that i did horribly, prompting them to not want to cosign on my loans for next fall. which would be horrible!..

so i went to call the school to change my permanent mailing address and i got some office's answering machine. so i left a message, AT 8 THIS MORNING! and now it is one in the afternoon. so i decided since i was in a bad mood i'd try and get out of it and think about the new semester by registering for my classes for this fall. so i got on SOS and searched till i had the numbers and sections for all my classes i wanted to take next semester figured out. then i went to register for them after i'd decided on times and i got a pop-up message on my computer telling me that i owed money and that i needed to contact the cashier's office before i would be allowed to register for my classes. wow, k? 

so i call the cashier's office...another answering machine. i left my name, number, and student identification number, at 9:30 this morning...again no reply. i'm getting severly upset now, because no one that is supposed to assist or advise me at this school is doing their job, i haven't been able to accomplish ANYTHING on today's to-do list, and i still haven't gotten decent to leave my suite, so we'll see but hope to God that this day gets better, quickly..

insomnia

i just realized that all of my posts have been at reeeaallllly late times of night..i need to change my sleep pattern.

so i was talking to my cousin on the phone about some of her classes..and she was kinda freaked out by an assignment she was given for her psychology class: to document how you think the world would react to your suicide. when i heard that i didn't think much of it, figured it would probably be an easy assignment considering all you have to do is guess, and you really can't be wrong..

but since i got off the phone with her i can't get the thought out of my mind. how would the world react if i killed myself tonight? would old friends come out of the woodwork to come to my funeral? would there be an investigation? would anyone understand why? who would speak at my funeral? what would they say? what would constitute being close enough to me to have the 'right' to speak to my life at such an important event? would it be seen as worse than the death of an elderly person simply because i am young? 

but most importantly i wonder what people that are currently a part of my life would wish they had accomplished more in that role while i was alive. would a secret crush realize he loves me? and that thought moves on to one i have had many times, especially recently...will anyone love me? ever?..i've seen too many women grow old, living alone and seemingly putting on like they are happy, when most of what i really want out of life is to find someone who makes me happy simply by being themselves. what if i never find that? what if i never find a man who truly makes me happy and i end up alone? i want children. i know i do. if i end up single for the rest of my life, will i have to sacrifice that too? i know i'm probably running this all straight into the ground, thinking waaaaaayyy too much about it i'm sure, but i couldn't sleep due to this ridiculous train of thought, so i figured putting it somewhere out of my head might help.

beginning something new.

i don't know much about this blogging business, but i have always found that recording my emotions and activities has been helpful with my thought processes and keeping me in line in the past, so hopefully even though i'm not a "skilled blogger", i could use this as a sort of journal and whether or not anyone else takes an interest in reading it, hopefully i can use it as a tool for keeping myself sane. :) 

i don't know much about this so if anyone reads this and wants to clue me in, please do so! haha