end of the year..

so the end of the school year is coming up fast, and a lot is going on with me right now. i haven't posted in awhile because of all the stress. but tonight i haven't been able to sleep so i figure it would be a good time for a quick catch-up. i've decided i'm going to just fail 2 out of my 5 classes because they do absolutely nothing for my major. i've completely changed my major to marketing management. next semester i'll be on financial aid probation from failing, but i've promised myself to work hard so that i'll be okay after that. 

otherwise, i have a lot other than that that has been bothering me these past few weeks. i think i posted about a couple of my friends making me feel like an outcast and discluded lately, well it hasn't improved. and now i'm concerned cus brianna has been hanging out with lucas a lot lately and now that he's been hired to work for camp foster this summer too so i'm really afraid that i'm going to end up spending all summer feeling left out again to bri and lucas. i don't know why it's stressing me out to this point, but it's bad. 

plus, the MAIN stresser i have going on right now, i've gained like a crap-ton of weight. and it's not that i'm huge compared to before, it's that my shape has gotten so much lumpier, and i don't even wanna think about putting on a swimsuit. but i have to. in 25 FREAKING DAYS! so i've decided officially, starting tomorrow, that i'm going on a crash diet, i don't care how bad that's supposed to be for you, i'm desperate. so i'm doing it. i'm drinking ONLY water, and eating ONLY raw fruits and vegetables and cottage cheese. also i am going to walk at least 5 miles a day, and jog if i can, but for sure walk. i don't want to be unrealistic, and i know i can walk that far, so i'm gonna make it happen. i hope it works.

plus, mom said when i get home i can tan, so i'll be able to disguise the hideous stretch-marks that just freaking 'appeared' on my love-handles this year, so that should be taken care of easier than expected! i'm so scared that even if i do all this changing that i plan on that i won't have enough time before camp to lose the amount of weight it'll take for me to feel comfortable in a swimsuit. if i haven't lost a good amount by the 15th, when i'm supposed to reserve my space or give it away for the lifeguarding class on the 30th then i'll just most likely tell them i won't guard. but i do really want to. so we'll just see..

ah! finals all over in 6 or 7 days, i'm not for sure depending on my speech class, and then i'll finally be able to relax. hopefully with the time while i'm at home and the ability to tan, i'll be able to get a move-on on changing my body and relieving my stress! :P